


Not Quite Compatible

by stubliminalmessaging



Series: Fic!February 2015 [17]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: M/M, Oops, This got away from me, mandy sets mickey and ian up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-25
Updated: 2015-02-25
Packaged: 2018-03-15 01:24:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3432887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stubliminalmessaging/pseuds/stubliminalmessaging
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Hey, how’d the date go?” Mandy asked nearly as soon as she picked up the phone. “His ass anything like you hoped it would be?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Quite Compatible

**Author's Note:**

> i saw someone kind of prompted this to gallavichficfinds and i loved the idea as soon as i saw it so here it is :P

                “Hey, how’d the date go?” Mandy asked nearly as soon as she picked up the phone. “His ass anything like you hoped it would be?”

 

                “I didn’t fuck this one,” Ian said, voice laced with bitterness. “We made it back his place and things were pretty hot and I pushed him against the wall and start jerking him off and I have a fucking heart attack when I hear someone else moving around in his apartment. He’s shushing me and shit, telling me to keep going, that she’ll go back to bed if we’re quiet and I just couldn’t do it.”

 

                “Oh, shit. His wife?”

 

                “No. His mom.” Mandy burst out laughing and Ian sighed.

 

                “Isn’t he like forty though?” Mandy asked after she took a deep breath to gather herself.

 

                “Yeah, he is. Forty-two. I date older guys because they’re supposed to be more mature or whatever. But no. Then I date younger guys and they’re huge douchebags. What the fuck’s with that? Am I fucking loser magnet?”

 

                Mandy laughed for a few more minutes while Ian contemplated hanging up on her. She reigned it back in just in time to catch Ian before he hit ‘end.’ “I don’t know, Ian. You really are a catch.”

 

                “If I’m such a catch, you’d think I’d get guys who are hot and _not_ fucking losers or who want to put me in a diaper,” Ian grumbled.

 

                “Maybe try dating guys your own age?” Mandy suggested. “It’s about the only age group you haven’t tried. Of the ones you legally can, I mean.”

 

                “Yeah, I wasn’t even interested in fucking high schoolers when I was in high school. I’m basically allergic to them now.” Ian said, heaving another sigh. “Thanks for trying though.”

 

                “If anyone understands dude problems, it’s me,” Mandy promised him. “Want me to call around? I can set you up with someone who doesn’t totally suck.”

 

                “Nah, sucking is definitely encouraged. They can’t spout stupid weird shit when they’ve got my dick stuffed in their mouth,” Ian said, sending Mandy off into another gigglefit. He picked at the loose strings at the hem of his pyjama pants. He thought about saying yes since maybe he’d feel less desolate if he got his dick wet but ultimately decided against it. He wanted a relationship; that was the whole point. “No thanks, Mandy. I probably don’t even wanna know what kind of freaky guys you know that you’d set me up with anyways.”

 

                Mandy laughed, and Ian felt a bit less shitty about his bad date. “Yeah, you really don’t.”

 

-

 

                “Mandy, I’m at work, why are you calling m-“

 

                “Remember how I said I wouldn’t set you up with anyone?” Mandy asked, ignoring Ian’s concern for his job.

 

                Ian leaned back against the wall out behind the diner where he and Mandy both worked. It had been where they’d met actually and he was regretting the first time he’d given her a light and started their friendship.

 

                “Mandy, what the fuck did you do?” Ian growled, scrubbing a hand through his hair in agitation.

 

                “It’s good news! Don’t be mad! I set up a date for you,” Ian sighed and Mandy insisted; “Don’t be mad! I swear he’s not a weirdo and he’s just looking for a guy to go on some dates with and see what happens.” She heard Ian’s exasperated noise and asked; “Don’t you trust me?”

 

                “Of course I do,” Ian assured her. “I just don’t know if I wanna get back in the game just yet. The string of shitty dates I’ve been on this month seems like a sign, y’know?”

 

                “Fuck that,” Mandy scoffed. “In fact, fuck everyone. Because you can. Use your ginger dick to plow as many guys as you want, and start it off by going on a date with my brother.”

 

                “First of all, I said I _didn’t_ want to date guys who just want sex, and secondly you never told me your brother was in town,” Ian said, casting back his memory. “I thought he moved to Detroit?”

 

                “He’s back for the foreseeable future and you’re going out with him on Friday night,” Mandy informed him.

 

                “That’s tomorrow!” Ian groaned. His manager poked his head out the back door and gave him a dirty look, mouthing something threatening and unpleasant. Ian turned his attention back to Mandy with the mission of ending the call quickly. “I gotta go, Mandy. Just... text me the fucking details of the date and I’ll tell you if I’m gonna go or not.”

 

                “Alright!” Mandy said. “Have fun at work!”

 

                “Yeah, fuck you too,” Ian said, though he smiled as he hung up.

 

-

 

                When Ian was on his break (a shortened one since he’d wasted part of his shift on the phone earlier and his boss was going through a divorce and bitchy as hell as a result) he checked out the info Mandy had sent him about her brother. She said he was black haired, blue eyed, short but built. He was two years older than Mandy and he’d moved to Detroit after their dad died and no longer had such a hold on him. He apprenticed with a mechanic for a year or so and since then he’d been working at a garage but had moved back to work in Chicago a week before their date.

 

                Ian had never met Mickey before since he’d moved out of the city before he’d even met Mandy, but the picture Mandy sent him was promising. If he didn’t know they weren’t, Ian would think Mickey and Mandy were opposite-sex twins. Beyond their near-identical colouring and deep blue eyes, they had almost the same nose and similar fine bone structure. He was dude Mandy and dude Mandy could _get it_. He was hot and Ian thought maybe this date at eight tomorrow night at a diner not too far from Ian’s place (definitely not accidentally) might not be the worst thing ever. Unless Mickey was an absolute freak (and not in the good way) Ian was interested in seeing where their evening went.

 

-

 

                Mickey was quiet at dinner and so Ian led the conversation. As awkward as that may have seemed, Ian found himself completely comfortable talking to Mickey. They talked about how Ian knew Mandy and what Mickey thought about being back in Chicago. Ian talked about his family and Mickey shared some stories of his own and Ian cackled internally as he gathered dirt to dish on Mandy. He supposed it was appropriate revenge for her having set him up on this date, even though it wasn’t turning out to be such a bad thing.

 

                They ate their cheap diner food and settled up for their bills, each paying for their own meals since it wasn’t like they were married or any of that and Ian kind of lost his way for the first time that evening. He floundered a little since he didn’t know if Mickey was the hook-up-on-the-first-date kind of guy so he didn’t want to suggest heading back to his place straight away.

 

                “You wanna go to a club or something?” Mickey asked, making the decision for him. “They got cheap drinks over at Babylon tonight.”

 

                “Sure,” Ian said, trying to tone down his excitement. He got his coat out of their booth and slapped a tip down on the table.

 

-

 

                “So how was my brother? Does being good at sucking dick run in the family?” Mandy asked, switching between her lunch and her cigarette as she took her break at work. Ian could hear her juggling the two through the phone.

 

                “I wouldn’t know since I didn’t fuck him,” Ian said.

 

                Mandy scoffed. “Don’t get fucking shy on me now.” She took a big bite of something (a sandwich? She liked the chicken club a lot) and went on. “You get drunk with him?”

 

                “Yeah, but-“

 

                “Then I’m calling bullshit ‘cause I know Mickey gets really fucking slutty when he drinks. There’s no way he’d go out with a stud like you and not end up fucking you,” she declared.

 

                “He’s hot and everything and I’d definitely fuck him but... I don’t think he’s my type,” Ian said. He knew he’d worded it poorly and Mandy was on him in a second.

 

                “What does that even fucking mean? Pretty sure if you say a guy’s hot then that means he’s your type,” Mandy said. When Ian didn’t immediately explain himself,  she demanded; “What the fuck, Ian!”

 

                “I just think he doesn’t seem like a good... _fit_ for me,” Ian explained, hoping she’d catch his drift. “I just get the feeling we’re not _compatible_.”

 

                “The fuck?” Mandy grunted.”The fuck are you even saying?”

 

                “I’m _saying_ he’s rough and aggressive and not submissive at all. That doesn’t mesh with me.” He knew it sounded weak so he went on. “My personality and shit.”

 

                “Jesus Christ Ian, you’re not fucking his personality!” Mandy huffed. “Since you’re just gonna dance around the fucking problem I’m gonna call my brother and get answers from him.”

 

                “I don’t see how that’ll help,” Ian protested, but Mandy wasn’t having any of it.

 

                “I’m gonna call you back once I talk to Mickey and you better pick up,” Mandy growled and Ian was intimidated enough that he promised her he would.

 

-

 

                “How fucking gay did you come off that he thought you were some fruity twink?” Mandy asked, scandalized even as she insulted Ian. “Oh wait, you’re you.”

 

                “Pretty sure you came onto me thinking I was straight,” Ian protested.

 

                “And I thought Angela just gave me $100 tips because she liked the pie.” Mandy said and Ian could hear her eye roll. “It’s clear I’ve got a pretty broken gaydar. I mean, I didn’t realize my own brother was gay until I found his dildo stash and-“

 

                “Wait, dildo stash?” Ian asked. “Mickey has a _dildo stash_?”

 

                “That’s what you took from that? _Seriously_?” Mandy asked. “I thought straight guys were the worst but it turns out it’s you. You’re worse than a straight boy. I never thought I’d say it.”

 

                “Actual fake dicks he puts in himself?” Ian asked, still stuck on his disbelief. “I thought he was a fucking top!”

 

                “Funny, since he thought you were some twinky bottom,” Mandy said. “You’d better go out with him again and fuck out your sorrows this time Ian, or I will throttle you both,” she vowed.

 

                “It’s a little weird that you’re this concerned with getting your brother laid,” Ian mused. “But I dare you to stop me from getting in his pants now.”

 

                “Good. But – spare me the details?” Mandy asked and Ian could hear the disgust in her voice. Ian would have worried but she kept going; “Just kidding. I expect to hear everything,” she said then hung up.

 

                Ian tossed his phone aside, hearing it clatter to the floor but far from giving a shit as he watched Mickey settle into his spot astride his hips.

 

                “You got here really quickly,” Ian observed, running his hands up Mickey’s thighs to grip his hips. “How did you even know where I live?”

 

                “Mandy made sure I knew how to get to your place when she told me where to go last night,” Mickey replied. He leaned forward, running his hands down Ian’s body from his shoulders to his abs. His smile was lopsided and mischievous as he asked; “You wanna chit-chat more or you wanna get on me?”

 

                “That’s _exactly_ what I wanna do now that I know that’s what you’re into,” Ian replied, sitting up against the arm of the couch. Mickey met him halfway and they engaged in a makeout session that would have Mandy whooping and cheering. Though they’d vowed to torture her and hold back the details from her as long as possible, so she wouldn’t be cheering anytime soon.


End file.
